Gender Bashing

[stlcouponwizard]

Okay I have been known to take on the odds and often fail doing it but it has been mighty quite around here and so I thought I maybe should raise some hell. This subjest is almost a sure defeat for me but why the hell not take it on. I have thick skin and an even thicker knoggin, I maybe out numbered 1000 to 1 but I don't care much because I know I'm right.

O kay, I have been married for like 34 years and as you can guess I have noticed a few things in that time. I'm old but I can remember when my DW and I were dating, yes it was called dating back then ( just what I need is another smart ass) Why is it that the Female Gender seems to loose their sense of Humor? When I was dating I could get drunk and fall down and it was funny, these days it's not so funny and I'm branded a drunk,,,,,,,,, DUH of course I'm drunk when I fall down alot. Now it's not that I drink all that much, only when I'm awake :)
Okay ladies explain this one for me!

[Allison]

When dating we try to be the perfect mate to lure you in and then we start trying to change you once you are hooked. We tolerate childish behavior during the beginning of the relationship but then you pass the point of no return and we expect someone who is mature and responsible. We don't want to have to babysit your butt when you have had too much to drink and are acting like a complete idiot and embarrassing us to no end. Get off that bar stool and do the dang dishes already!

[stlcouponwizard]

Ouch! And from Allison. We don't need a babysitter we can fall over with out any help, the good ones can get back up and do it again and again. So thats the plan, hook them and train them, I thought that was it the whole time and yes I do have a problem with that plan. What was wrong with us to start? We can act chilish when we are young but once we get really good at it we have to quit, I don't get it! and I do do the dishes, very well if you ask me.

Thanks Allison

[Allison]

But when you fall over you tend to knock stuff over that WE end up having to clean up. Then if you get sick that is a whole nother story.

[stlcouponwizard]

You don't kick your DH out the door into the back yard when that happens? That woman of mine, I knew I was getting mis-handled. I'm going to have to have a talk with her if she ever unlocks the door.

[stlcouponwizard]

Since you brought it up lets talk about the dishes, Were in the instructions to a happy marrige is it written or even better the proper way to put the dishes away? Hell I cleaned them, I'll put them away the way I see fit. Same thing with my stock room. I buy it I stack it. I make sure that the pantry doors will close at least. My stock is front and faced and rotated. My DW just looks at me like I'm a freakin nut. Can't the female gender be happy that we males take on these jobs we are not ment to do?

[stlcouponwizard]

OH! then there is Shoes, What is up with that, you only have two feet!!!!! It's a plot, I know it, if you have a hundred pairs of shoes you have to have 100 outfits to go with the darn shoes. Yep then you find a pair of shoes thst goes with two of our 100 outfits which makes the numbers uneven so back to the store to get another outfit,,, which just so happen to be on sale 2 for $1500 so you get two to save a dime. There we go again the numbers are uneven. Then I go to get shoes and am told get Black, they will go with everything. WHAT! Explain that one to me.

[Delissa]

I'm late to the convo, but for the first part- for me, my husband cannot be drunk all the time because someone has to be sober to watch the little ones and I am a stay at home mommy and mommy NEEDS HER FLIPPING SPECIAL SIPPY CUP so that everyone can live, right?

Dishes. Must. Be. Put. Away. Correctly. I'm not sure where you became confused on this one. ;)

Shoes? I can't help you, I personally hate shoe shopping. That being said a few months ago my sister was in my closet and called out, "you have all these cute heels! Why do you always where those Ghetto sandals??" (Thanks Rasha... lol) so I guess I've proved your point that women have too many shoes even though I feel like I have no shoes...hmmm

[KarrenOliver]

About dishes...my dh will wash them and put them in the drainer, but that's as far as it goes. They could pile up to overflowing and he would ask me if I was ever going to put them up :giggle:. I appreciate him doing the washing, so I don't fuss. Glad he at least washed them!

[stlcouponwizard]

Thats the problem Delissa, you all feel as you have no Heels (cute way to say it) how the hell can you say that? I built a 3 shelf unit on each side of the closet for shoes and mine are still under the night stand, all three pairs. You ladies even do it for the kids My kids have more shoes than the whole school has feet. In the intrest of being fare I'll give you the social sippy cup thing. I like that, I need to try it, I will almost always spill my drink before I drop it or my self. That may save a couple bucks so the honey can have a few more drinks 1551. Yep and it looks like I went wrong from the start on the dishes thing. My DW is not going to be happy with doing all the dishes again since she wants them put away "CORRECTLY"

[stlcouponwizard]

About dishes...my dh will wash them and put them in the drainer, but that's as far as it goes. They could pile up to overflowing and he would ask me if I was ever going to put them up :giggle:. I appreciate him doing the washing, so I don't fuss. Glad he at least washed them!
That was rather calm KT. I expected you to show up with a bazoka and start shooting

[KarrenOliver]

That was rather calm KT. I expected you to show up with a bazoka and start shooting

If I did that, he wouldn't even wash!! I may be blonde, but I ain't stupid!!

[stlcouponwizard]

Okay I'll give ya that one

[Allison]

Dishes HAVE to be put away correctly, otherwise no one will ever be able to find a dang spoon! Oh, and how hard is it, when putting away said dishes, to properly separate the silverware into the dividers? There are 2 different sizes of spoons and 2 different sizes of forks, DO NOT pile them all into the butter knife slot!

[stlcouponwizard]

I Knew that Allison, I do well on the Silverware since the space is divided into sections.I get it right well over 50% of the time so I'm much better than average. My problem with siliverware is Plastic ware, that is saving Plastic Forks , spoons and knife if you can call those flat pieces of plastic a knife. They are ment to be disposable not to keep and reuse My DW and what I believe to be a large part of her gender find entertainment in watch the other gender trying to cut a BBQ pork chop with that piece of plastic. I understand at a picnic or a out door gathering but to just save washing the real silverware when I wash the real silverware to start with.

[KellyMarie]

Neal, this is all because you missed that year of preschool!!!

I agree with Allison, I hooked hubby and immediately began training. We will be together 29 years in July and I am proud to announce that he is almost trained!

Delissa....I want your magical sippy cup!

[stlcouponwizard]

Neal, this is all because you missed that year of preschool!!!

I agree with Allison, I hooked hubby and immediately began training. We will be together 29 years in July and I am proud to announce that he is almost trained!

Delissa....I want your magical sippy cup!

Has he discovered your plot yet? This I will never understand, Does your gender look for a mate that is moldable like clay? We males at that young age are not looking at what the other gender may turn into we are looking at the prize we found at that moment. The current intentions may not be pure but we arehonest, at least to ourselves and not looking at what we may be able to shape you intoat some point later. We don't have that feature of looking to far into the future.

[stlcouponwizard]

I'll tell you what, I'm feeling better already. This is great I can complain and not suffer the treat of living the rest of my life in the dog house.

[KarrenOliver]

Glad to offer any help, pal!!:giggle:

[KellyMarie]

Has he discovered your plot yet? This I will never understand, Does your gender look for a mate that is moldable like clay? We males at that young age are not looking at what the other gender may turn into we are looking at the prize we found at that moment. The current intentions may not be pure but we arehonest, at least to ourselves and not looking at what we may be able to shape you intoat some point later. We don't have that feature of looking to far into the future.

He discovered my plot soon after the first child was born
It's not that we are deliberately looking for a "moldable" man, it's just that we know what's best for ya'll :lol:

[stlcouponwizard]

How in the hell do you know that when we have no idea?
Thanks KT we sometimes need a little help,,, just a little though.

[Delissa]

Neal, you men change us too, regardless of whether or not you did it intentionally. We just don't allow you to know or brag about it. shhhhhhh- you did NOT hear it from me ;)

[Heather]

:lol: Love this! Well I seem to be the complete opposite. I find one that seems halfway decent and then they fall apart completely. :lol: I did get mine to quit drinking and that helped a lot. He wasn't the fun type of just fall over and knock stuff over drunk. About the shoes I don't have many. Glad you didn't ask about purses though. :giggle:

[KarrenOliver]

Delissa....now you've gone and done it!!! You just gave the enemy ammuntion against us!!! :pullhair:

Oh.....btw.....you're welcome, Neal...

[Allison]

John's getting better. It's been 4 years and he now can tell when the trash is full and takes it out and 50% of the time he puts a new trash bag in.

[stlcouponwizard]

Boy that John he's a smart one, Heather you did it now, PURSES what's wrong with a plastic Wal-Mart bag, hell every thing gets mixed up in there anyway and they go with every thing including Flip Flops which is the only pair of shoes you need anyway. and what is this 6 pairs of flip flop thing, "Oh we have to have a pair that goes with this or that" THEY ARE FLIP FLOPS!!! Boy I'm goin to hear about that one,,,,,,,,, okay you need two pairs of shoes in case you go out which the way I understand never happens once your married anyway. Oh do we Delissa, I think you change on your own while we calmly stand by granting your wishes.Why would we want you to morph into something other than what we married in the first place? (Oh Oh double whammy) Hope she cant throw something from all the way out there to Saint Louis. It's a reverse syco thing, you want us to think you all have changed so we will,, Right? I always tell my DW you can't teach an old dog new tricks.... she replies with "So you like to sleep in the dog house you old dog" And yes I do, at least it's peaceful out there. Oh and about the trash Allison, we only put half of it in there so why should we need to take it out all of time?

[Katrina]

Neal, only taking the garbage out 50% of the time because you put 50% of the garbage in there only works if you do 50% of all the chores. If not, that argument is pointless :P

[stlcouponwizard]

I do!!!!! more like 75% depending on who you listen to, I have the correct answer. We don't whant to get into the 50% of the work thing now do we. My Dw feeds the dog 100% of the time but I pick up 100% of the poop, how the hell does that work? I cut the grass 100% of the time but she gets to walk on it. I cook 100% of the time yet she gets to eat need I go on??? I tell my DW "Who ever told you life should be fair SHOULD BE SHOT!!"

[Katrina]

Lol! :)

[stlcouponwizard]

Does anybody else feel the love on this thread, or is it just me?

[Allison]

So we are breaking down the chores now?
Me:
100% laundry
95% dishes
100% bathroom scrubbing
100% vacuuming
100% mopping
100% litterbox cleaning
+more

John:
75% trash removal
100% lawn mowing

Yeah, that seems even... :lol:

[stlcouponwizard]

I agree Allison that does seem even.
Are they "CHORES" anyway, aren't they labors of love? RIGHT

[KarrenOliver]

http://dl2.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1585/1585522jj41las9g3.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

:rolling::rolling::rolling:

[stlcouponwizard]

You Do KT?

[KarrenOliver]

Of Course!!!

[stlcouponwizard]

Well after these last couple of days here I think I'm ready to discuss these issues with my DW. Anybody have a spare room?

[Allison]

I have 3 spare rooms but after the last couple days, there is no what I'm allowing you in my house! :lol:

[KellyMarie]

:rolling:

[stlcouponwizard]

Ouch Allison, and to think this thread was just shortly ago filled with love. That does remind me of another thing though............................................ ................ but I think I'll pass on the unrational mood changes that your gender seem to have,,,,,,, for my own good.:whew:

[stlcouponwizard]

Ladies this has been so much fun but I need to really let you all know who I really am,
1, I'm caring, I don't always show it well but I can almost always find something to like in a person and focuss on that quality.
2, I'm generous, a trait that is not always a good one for my own good. I give all that I can to anyone untill they prove they are not worthy of my help or gifts.
3, I am a person that loves to work and keep active, Work has never bothered me, I do what is required. For a freind I will work for days just to help them with no expectation of the return of the favor.
4, I am not afraid to say what I think or to say something I don't believe to get a responce that I may find entertaining.
5, I really do cherish the other gender [(as long as they understand their place)damn there I go again] even though we sometime butt heads, my DW has put up with a lot (hard to believe I know) and has at times possibly kept me out of jail or worse. She has called me names, some several times all that I have earned. My DW is the mother of my Children, and there is no greater gift that any body can give. She has earned and deserves my respect but has of yet does not always recognize it which is fine, if she did I would be worried about her.
6, I really do believe that expectation of fairness is a dream, nothing in life is fair, never has been and never will be. You work in some fashion for everything you get. to expect fairness is wishing for a gift.
7, I believe in freindship, next to live it is the greatest thing a person can have.

I'm betting that some of our lurkers out there may have popped in on this thread and are wondering who the hell is this dumb bell "Da Wizard". And yes I would and do talk about these things on this thread with my DW, often in the same tone. But when all is said and done I take out the trash, cook dinner, do the dishes, do the laundry (50-50) cut the grass and all of that stuff because if I don't she will kick my ass. I have learned don't ever piss of a women, they can be really mean.

[stlcouponwizard]

I have more if you Believe that one!

[Delissa]

I have learned don't ever piss of a women, they can be really mean.

See! You DO have it all figured out. That right there is the essence of being happy!

[stlcouponwizard]

I'm silly not Stupid

[KarrenOliver]

Bravo my friend!!

[stlcouponwizard]

You all know who in the house has the upper hand, my gender really does also, most will not admit it and those that don't believe that will not have a partner to share their life with for long. How it got to this point is the real question.

[Heather]

A plastic bag? Seriously? :lol: You don't want to see how many I have that's for sure. You also don't want to see how long it takes me to pick out one. I get a type I want in my head and have to look at hundreds to find it. Now with shoes all I really wear are tennis shoes so I find one pair I like that are comfy and I am good. All the rest of the stuff you guys are discussing I am still trying to figure out how to get right. Not sure about the rest of you, but I do most of it just because I get so sick of hearing him whine and moan it's just easier to do it myself. Plus he does the dishes one time and then talks about it for a week. Geez Louise. :lol:

[stlcouponwizard]

Sure why not a plastic bag, better than a paper bag at least it has so called handles. As often as most women change purses this would work well, they would accutally wear out by the time you wanted to change. I like the Tennis shoe theory Heather, I'm all for it. I kind of have the same theory as you on the dish washing thing, I do them with out a problem and often ( I have done two loads today) My Dw does not like the idea that I almost wash them before I put them in the dish washer and I dry them if not completly dry when I remove them and then I don't put them away correctly. After describing the location I will put them if she does not stop complaining I calmly ask her if she would like to do all of the dishs, problem solved after the exchange of a few descriptive terms. If I'm going to do them I'll do them my way or not do them at all. Same thing goes on the laundry, she does not like the folding I do so I don't do her laundry, at least I'm happy with it. To each their own, if there is whineing about the way I do it I won't do it. the one thing I do not do is bathrooms, Hell my neighbor has bushes or at least had bushes before they all died, not my problem the other gender does not have that option.

[Heather]

:lol:

[KellyMarie]

A few months back hubby and I had a "discussion" on the phone while he was at work. I was a tad loud and upest about something and he was agreeing with me (when I knew too well that I was wrong and he was only coddling me) When he got off his phone his co-worker asked "Wow, you are going to let her think she is right?" Hubby quickly responded with "I learned years ago, I can be right, or I can be happy"

Yep, I just about have him trained :lol:

[stlcouponwizard]

I vote for Happy also after I get a couple swipes in of course.