LyndaG
09-30-2010, 07:40 AM
Over the past 15 years, I have been fortunate to be able to be a SAHM.
I did work a few jobs here and there to help supplement my DH's income when he worked construction and work was slow or he was laid off.
But, I never had to work, it was always my choice. It was something that DH and I talked about and agreed on when we started our life together.
I never felt bad, embarrasses or worthless over the past 15 years on my choice. I have enjoyed watching my kids grow and develope, I felt proud that I was home when they got home from school, that I didn't have to juggle home, work, kids, daycare and still have to find time to give them one on one attention.
I know there are so many women that didn't have the option that I had to stay home. I did feel like it was my job to be as frugal, cheap, bargin hunting as I could to help make up for the missing income.
When the kids started to get older, DH and I talked about me working. I thought at least a PT job would not only help us financially, but as a way for me to get out of the house.
In Dec of last year I applied for a job at family dollar, a few blocks from my house. My boss was a very leaniet boss as I had to have my youngest come to the store after school to wait to be picked up by my middle daughter when she got off the bus, about 10 minutes. This really helped as I didn't have to pay daycare, work was close so I could walk back and forth, even in the winter, only having one vehicle this was great.
After about a month into working everything went south. There was so much tension at the store between me and my boss. Several times I wanted to walk off the job, quit, tell her to stick it. But, I bit my tounge as my DH switched jobs and now my income was needed. Over the next five months I came home every night from work and cried. I was mad all the time, I started to take it out on my family, friends and even myself. I knew every job will have it pros and cons, but this job was only cons. I dreaded going to work, I once was this happy, chatty, cheerful person, but turned into a mean person, not caring, and started to shut out my family and friends.
I was let go from my job there, the first time I have ever been fired. I cried and cried and cried. Not because I lost my job, but my income. I talked to my DH and told him that I wanted to take the summer off of looking for work. I had a lot at the house to do. So I took off the summer and cleaned out my garage, house and basement. OMG We had accumilated so much over the 6 years since buying the house. Even though I took the whole summer to do this, I'm still not done.
Even though I haven't compleated my house clean out, I'm done enough to start looking for a job. So that is what I started about two weeks ago. There are some jobs in my area, but living in a small rural farming town, only having one vehicle, my DH's hours are so varied, that it is hard to put one hunderd percent into looking. If I need the car I have to get up at times as early as 2:30am to take DH to work, then there are times he doesn't get home until 9p or later.
I talked to my sister about going back to school. Ok, I dropped out of school about a month into 11th grade, so I only have a 10th grade education. I did get my GED at about 26 years old. I even started tech school. But, at that time my DH didn't have a license, so I would get up at 5a, get the kids up, dressed, take DH to work, get home, feed kids, then off to school and daycare, go to school myself, after school I worked PT, then pick up kids from daycare, start supper and go pick up DH. Then try to do my home work. It was getting very stressful a month into it. I had a lot of medical problems about a month before school started and when I went to the Dr for a check up and test. I got a phone call from my Dr about an hour later, I was pregnant with #3. Went in for a check up, my Dr then told me, you have two options, school or baby. I chose baby and dropped out of school.
Now here I sit 7 years later, a 10th grade education, a GED and no work history. I'm not surprised that I'm not getting hired anywhere.
I feel like a failure, and I am the reason for this. I had options, that I didn't take, I had jobs that I walked away from. I am spoiled in the fact that I won't take just any job. I don't think I'm better than any job, I don't think any job is beneath me, but I feel like a spoiled brat in that I'm so picky.
I am the reason for my failure and only I can change this. I just need to find myself again, find my dreams and my passion.
Lynda
I did work a few jobs here and there to help supplement my DH's income when he worked construction and work was slow or he was laid off.
But, I never had to work, it was always my choice. It was something that DH and I talked about and agreed on when we started our life together.
I never felt bad, embarrasses or worthless over the past 15 years on my choice. I have enjoyed watching my kids grow and develope, I felt proud that I was home when they got home from school, that I didn't have to juggle home, work, kids, daycare and still have to find time to give them one on one attention.
I know there are so many women that didn't have the option that I had to stay home. I did feel like it was my job to be as frugal, cheap, bargin hunting as I could to help make up for the missing income.
When the kids started to get older, DH and I talked about me working. I thought at least a PT job would not only help us financially, but as a way for me to get out of the house.
In Dec of last year I applied for a job at family dollar, a few blocks from my house. My boss was a very leaniet boss as I had to have my youngest come to the store after school to wait to be picked up by my middle daughter when she got off the bus, about 10 minutes. This really helped as I didn't have to pay daycare, work was close so I could walk back and forth, even in the winter, only having one vehicle this was great.
After about a month into working everything went south. There was so much tension at the store between me and my boss. Several times I wanted to walk off the job, quit, tell her to stick it. But, I bit my tounge as my DH switched jobs and now my income was needed. Over the next five months I came home every night from work and cried. I was mad all the time, I started to take it out on my family, friends and even myself. I knew every job will have it pros and cons, but this job was only cons. I dreaded going to work, I once was this happy, chatty, cheerful person, but turned into a mean person, not caring, and started to shut out my family and friends.
I was let go from my job there, the first time I have ever been fired. I cried and cried and cried. Not because I lost my job, but my income. I talked to my DH and told him that I wanted to take the summer off of looking for work. I had a lot at the house to do. So I took off the summer and cleaned out my garage, house and basement. OMG We had accumilated so much over the 6 years since buying the house. Even though I took the whole summer to do this, I'm still not done.
Even though I haven't compleated my house clean out, I'm done enough to start looking for a job. So that is what I started about two weeks ago. There are some jobs in my area, but living in a small rural farming town, only having one vehicle, my DH's hours are so varied, that it is hard to put one hunderd percent into looking. If I need the car I have to get up at times as early as 2:30am to take DH to work, then there are times he doesn't get home until 9p or later.
I talked to my sister about going back to school. Ok, I dropped out of school about a month into 11th grade, so I only have a 10th grade education. I did get my GED at about 26 years old. I even started tech school. But, at that time my DH didn't have a license, so I would get up at 5a, get the kids up, dressed, take DH to work, get home, feed kids, then off to school and daycare, go to school myself, after school I worked PT, then pick up kids from daycare, start supper and go pick up DH. Then try to do my home work. It was getting very stressful a month into it. I had a lot of medical problems about a month before school started and when I went to the Dr for a check up and test. I got a phone call from my Dr about an hour later, I was pregnant with #3. Went in for a check up, my Dr then told me, you have two options, school or baby. I chose baby and dropped out of school.
Now here I sit 7 years later, a 10th grade education, a GED and no work history. I'm not surprised that I'm not getting hired anywhere.
I feel like a failure, and I am the reason for this. I had options, that I didn't take, I had jobs that I walked away from. I am spoiled in the fact that I won't take just any job. I don't think I'm better than any job, I don't think any job is beneath me, but I feel like a spoiled brat in that I'm so picky.
I am the reason for my failure and only I can change this. I just need to find myself again, find my dreams and my passion.
Lynda