View Full Version : I'm rolling a die
johnholmes
10-19-2010, 08:45 PM
A d20 to be exact. And, the post after this that it corresponds to gets a forum gift from me (Note: I don't give out forum gifts so this is a once in a lifetime opportunity). So, post something funny/stupid/offtopic here and I'll roll a dice when I feel it's time and give someone a gift. If you post more than 4 times I'm disqualifying all posts after that.
I will change the rules on the fly - like you didn't expect that already.
KellyMarie
10-19-2010, 08:55 PM
Something funny...hmm I know what's not funny and that's the pic posting threat on Facebook! Nobody wants to see your dad's '80's mullet!
2 talking people & car door blocking the middle parking spot in grocery store parking lot.
Wait several minutes and then say politely "Could you please shut the door, I'd like that parking spot please." Its about 6 or 7 from path in front of the store. Next one available is 11 or 12 down the row.
The 40ish guy yells back rudely "Whats wrong with the spot you're at?"
Really? Guessing he wasn't considering the possibility of a stranger jumping in the lady's engine running vehicle and driving off. There might have been someone who wasn't as patient and just drove into the spot and ripped car off. Not to mention, the store management wouldn't like a parking spot blocked to loyal customers.
John, I'll let you decide if that is off topic, silly, or funny!
Allison
10-20-2010, 04:05 AM
Did I ever tell you about the time my cat tripped me and I fell off the porch (more like slid down the steps head first) and I had road rash from head to toe and a huge bruise on my chin from face planting on the sidewalk?
KellyMarie
10-20-2010, 06:33 AM
oh I can see this is going to be an interesting thread :)
One time John and his brother Jerry hung a ladder in a tree, why I don't know, but the ladder fell and scalped Jerry....we could actually peel back his hair line.....oh the stories I could tell!
wendy1214
10-20-2010, 08:10 AM
Speaking of kids and trees- I have one that will top you all! When my FIL was younger, he used to play in the woods with his brothers. One day, he climbed up in a tree to hide. Well, as luck (?) would have it, his brothers couldn't find him, yet were standing right under him. Nature called, so FIL dropped his pants, and pooped on his brothers head!!
True story- I can't make this stuff up!! Funny? Off Topic?? have fun with it!
KellyMarie
10-20-2010, 08:28 AM
OMG Wendy boys do weird stuff don't they? :lol:
KellyMarie
10-20-2010, 08:29 AM
I am still having trouble digesting the fact that JohnHolmes is actually giving a forum gift.....that must have been some date he had if he is being this generous! :lol:
wendy1214
10-20-2010, 08:41 AM
lol!! Way to go Johnathon!!!
adnil
10-20-2010, 10:33 AM
There was one time when John was very young and just learning to talk real good, well his Uncle and I were over visiting and I had gotten in the floor playing with him, he had put me into one of those end tables that have doors on them several times (yes I'm very small framed and fit inside very easily), then he wanted to play roll the ball, so we started playing that game when all of a sudden he said (SIT ON THE BALL LINDA)! So I had to comply and do as he said.
True Story, just ask Kelly!
KellyMarie
10-20-2010, 10:43 AM
It was his first sentence :)
Heather
10-20-2010, 03:47 PM
Ok I just want to know regarding this date...did she have to fit all the requirements? How exactly do you fit wet suit size into a pre-date conversation? :lol:
flower_mom
10-20-2010, 06:23 PM
Speaking of kids and trees- I have one that will top you all! When my FIL was younger, he used to play in the woods with his brothers. One day, he climbed up in a tree to hide. Well, as luck (?) would have it, his brothers couldn't find him, yet were standing right under him. Nature called, so FIL dropped his pants, and pooped on his brothers head!!
True story- I can't make this stuff up!! Funny? Off Topic?? have fun with it!
:rofl:
Allison
10-20-2010, 07:09 PM
Ok I just want to know regarding this date...did she have to fit all the requirements? How exactly do you fit wet suit size into a pre-date conversation? :lol:
I was wondering the same thing! You need to tell us more about this date.
KellyMarie
10-20-2010, 07:29 PM
Oh my, the infamous list of requirements :lol:
Hmmm....I don't know a lot about her, but I do know that she is very pretty and that JohnHolmes considers her an "intellectual equivalent" to him, and we all know how smart he feels he is, so she must be at the genius level!
Heather
10-20-2010, 08:44 PM
:lol:
DD's friend's older sister was driving with her 22 month old. She went through a light and said "Crap, that was red."
"It was yellow mom," the baby responded from the back seat.
:smile:
KellyMarie
10-21-2010, 06:51 AM
DD's friend's older sister was driving with her 22 month old. She went through a light and said "Crap, that was red."
"It was yellow mom," the baby responded from the back seat.
:smile:
:lol:
Kids are wonderful at correcting :lol:
wendy1214
10-21-2010, 06:55 AM
I just love it now that dd has her drivers permit, that she corrects me when I am driving, but god forbid I try to teach/correct her! Mom, I KNOW what I am doing
Uh, yeah, your 2 months of practice outweigh my 25 years of driving experience!!!!!
KellyMarie
10-21-2010, 07:00 AM
Want to know what used to drive me nuts? The kid in the backseat pushing their feet in the back of my seat! I swore when my kids learned to drive I was always sitting behind the driver's seat :lol:
Actually, when it comes to driving, I prefer to just let mine drive, I hate being behind the wheel...for those of you that don't know, I have a pretty serious problem with driving. Ask johnHolmes, he will tell you that if we are going anywhere, he knows that he is driving!
johnholmes
10-21-2010, 03:23 PM
Well, I rolled. And, it was a 2. So, mom should get the gift. BUT! Since I said I would be changing the rules - I'm going to. Mom can't win (new rules, just made it up, tough). So, I'm going to roll a d20 again for posts 20-40.
Free gift to the winner.
Oh, and good job keeping it offtopic! Here are the original requirements to date JohnHolmes for those who never read them on that one place:
1) Must fit in a size 10 wetsuit. It is the only female setup I have
2) Must wear a size 7 booty (see previous note for reason)
3) Must not talk unless spoken to
4) Must make at least $45k/year
5) Must be college educated (and "some" doesn't count)
6) Must be a non-smoker
7) Must be a non-drug user
8) Must enjoy drinking socially
9) Must not want children
10) Must own outright one of the following: a car; a boat; a house; a big screen tv; a computer
11) Must be willing to copulate more than 3 times a week
12) Must run/exercise at least 3 days a week
13) Must not care that I don't run/exercise
14) Must drink Miller Lite. I'm not buying other nasty beers.
15) Must be between the ages of 23 and 36
And, yes, she wears a size 10 wetsuit. It's pretty easy to slip "By the way, what size wetsuit do you wear?" into a conversation. That's just how I roll.
wendy1214
10-21-2010, 03:28 PM
Darn- I don't meet half of those requirements- Sorry Johnathon- your loss:) :rolling: I am good with numbers 5-8 though!
Rasha
10-21-2010, 06:01 PM
oh my, the infamous list of requirements :lol:
Hmmm....i don't know a lot about her, but i do know that she is very pretty and that johnholmes considers her an "intellectual equivalent" to him, and we all know how smart he feels he is, so she must be at the genius level!
lmao!
Rasha
10-21-2010, 06:02 PM
Johnholmes.... # 11 is great haha
and I still think its rude I'm ostracized out because I'm too young.
wendy1214
10-21-2010, 06:21 PM
just to gross you all out- here is a pic of DD's toe just after she broke it!
290
KellyMarie
10-21-2010, 06:26 PM
Oh wow Wendy, I bet that did hurt!!
:hammerhead: So mom can't win huh?????? Well I am still posting :tongue1:
Heather
10-21-2010, 08:40 PM
:lol: Kelly!! That's funny that the wetsuit topic is easily slipped into conversation. No one has ever asked me that and I'm 31 :lol: Wendy that looks really painful! :( Size 7 booty...is that like a shoe size or flippers or something to go with the wetsuit? Because if you can slip booty size into a pre date conversation also along with wetsuit size I am impressed! :lol: My booty is definitely bigger than a size 7! Hahahaha!!
KellyMarie
10-21-2010, 08:49 PM
:lol:
wendy1214
10-21-2010, 08:49 PM
Come on Phillies!!!!!!!
KarrenOliver
10-21-2010, 11:05 PM
Weird Facts101
Weird Things You Would Never Know!
Butterflies taste with their feet.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than
all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal
ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch
every year because when it was built, engineers failed to
take into account the weight of all the
books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with
"MONTH".
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the
letters only on one row of the keyboard.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.
She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
johnholmes
10-22-2010, 01:05 PM
You guys are cracking me up. Sorry mom! But, the answer is still NO. You can't win. Since I'm posting here, though, if I roll my number I'm going to keep the gift.
Rasha
10-22-2010, 01:36 PM
Weird Facts101
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
INTERESTING! I love pizza.. om nom nom.
KarrenOliver
10-22-2010, 02:39 PM
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin
KarrenOliver
10-22-2010, 02:50 PM
Building a better you is the first step to building a better America.
Zig Ziglar
Allison
10-22-2010, 03:42 PM
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools
Heather
10-22-2010, 04:06 PM
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin:rolling:
Allison
10-22-2010, 04:08 PM
I was supposed to work tomorrow but I found someone to take my shift. Now I get to hang out with dbf!
Frozen pizza box instructions: Do not eat frozen pizza
wendy1214
10-22-2010, 06:03 PM
Happy Meals are coming in cool buckets again!
Allison
10-22-2010, 06:11 PM
Happy Meals are coming in cool buckets again!
OMG! My brother and I used to collect those. I love those!
http://sydlexia.com/imagesandstuff/mcdonalds_halloween/mcdonalds_halloween_pails_1986.png
Heather
10-22-2010, 06:58 PM
Do not blow dry your hair while taking a bath.
Allison
10-22-2010, 07:44 PM
My curling iron's warning tag say "Do not use while sleeping".
KellyMarie
10-22-2010, 07:56 PM
Lol @ do not eat frozen pizza! & "Do not use while sleeping"
Heather
10-22-2010, 08:04 PM
My curling iron's warning tag say "Do not use while sleeping".
:lol:
KellyMarie
10-22-2010, 08:07 PM
A $1 bag of foam shapes can entertain JohnHolmes' daughters for hours on end when accompanied with a glues stick and paper!
KarrenOliver
10-22-2010, 08:26 PM
A $1 bag of foam shapes can entertain JohnHolmes' daughters for hours on end when accompanied with a glues stick and paper!
Another genius at work!!
johnholmes
10-23-2010, 10:27 AM
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools
My new facebook status...
johnholmes
10-23-2010, 10:37 AM
Somebody won. You'll have to look at people who posted here to see who it was. I'M NOT TELLING!!!
Delissa
10-23-2010, 10:40 AM
Justin Witcombe, 31, showed a reporter in Geelong, Australia, in September his full body of tattoos of his three idols in life: boxer Mike Tyson, the rock group KISS, and his local Collingwood soccer team, whose mascot is inked prominently on Witcombe's penis. [Newkerala.com-Asian News International, 9-24-10]
Delissa
10-23-2010, 10:41 AM
Mark Smith, 59, was arrested at a bank in Watsonville, Calif., in September after he had allegedly threatened a teller with a bomb (spelled "bom") and demanded $2,000. The teller, apparently skeptical of Smith's toughness, tried to convince him, instead, to borrow the money, and she had him wait while she retrieved an application (during which time she called 911). By the time police arrived, Smith was filling out the loan form. [Santa Cruz Sentinel, 9-9-10]
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 11:26 AM
Mark Smith, 59, was arrested at a bank in Watsonville, Calif., in September after he had allegedly threatened a teller with a bomb (spelled "bom") and demanded $2,000. The teller, apparently skeptical of Smith's toughness, tried to convince him, instead, to borrow the money, and she had him wait while she retrieved an application (during which time she called 911). By the time police arrived, Smith was filling out the loan form. [Santa Cruz Sentinel, 9-9-10]
That's great!
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 11:27 AM
Somebody won. You'll have to look at people who posted here to see who it was. I'M NOT TELLING!!!
Oh, you actually gave the gift? I am so impressed!
Rasha
10-23-2010, 12:43 PM
Whoooooo won?
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 02:59 PM
I am not telling, I had to scroll up and hover over each person's gifts til I found out :lol:
Rasha
10-23-2010, 03:13 PM
Figured it out!!!
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 03:13 PM
Yay :)
Rasha
10-23-2010, 03:17 PM
Morefree4me; you gave me a beer and put a message: "so no one looks at her hair" whats wrong with my hair?!?!
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 03:19 PM
Hahaha...I bet that was the day you said your hair was awful and I told you to wear a low cut blouse :rolling:
Rasha
10-23-2010, 03:23 PM
Oooo yea that probably was that day, HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... So funny. Thanks for the beer. Im sure it detracted from my hair. LOL
I'm having a bad hair day today too... Luckily my dress does come down a little low... Now that I think of it, we sure have had a lot of sales today too... hmmmmmm :rolling:
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 03:27 PM
:rolling:
Heather
10-23-2010, 05:31 PM
Yep that was the day when you were upset about your hair! :) I figured beer can make you forget anything! :lol: Now I have to go scroll to see who won. :)
Heather
10-23-2010, 05:32 PM
Found it :)
Allison
10-23-2010, 06:35 PM
I'm not telling either...hehehe
wendy1214
10-23-2010, 06:41 PM
He He I know who!!!
Rasha
10-23-2010, 06:43 PM
:)
KarrenOliver
10-23-2010, 07:19 PM
I found it!!
Rasha
10-23-2010, 07:21 PM
We should do this again :)
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 07:30 PM
We should do this again :)
But who really wants to admit to JohnHolmes it was a good idea? :lol:
Rasha
10-23-2010, 07:33 PM
haha true....
Congratulations... I'm not gonna say who it is either. :smile:
KarrenOliver
10-23-2010, 10:00 PM
Awww....Kelly.....let's build up his ego a little more!!! What could it hurt??? LOL
KellyMarie
10-23-2010, 10:02 PM
Awww....Kelly.....let's build up his ego a little more!!! What could it hurt??? LOL
ok, I admit it, it was a fun thread :)
Heather
10-25-2010, 12:47 AM
:lol:
johnholmes
10-25-2010, 10:37 AM
But who really wants to admit to JohnHolmes it was a good idea? :lol:
That guy can be a totally conceded jerk!
And, what, you thought I wouldn't really give the gift? I'm a man of my word!
Rasha
10-25-2010, 12:29 PM
hahaha
Heather
10-25-2010, 03:02 PM
That guy can be a totally conceded jerk!
And, what, you thought I wouldn't really give the gift? I'm a man of my word!:rolling:
KarrenOliver
10-25-2010, 03:21 PM
That guy can be a totally conceded jerk!
And, what, you thought I wouldn't really give the gift? I'm a man of my word!
Leave it up to you and your brain to figure out a way to do for FREE!!! Thanks, John...it was fun!!!
johnholmes
10-25-2010, 05:02 PM
Leave it up to you and your brain to figure out a way to do for FREE!!! Thanks, John...it was fun!!!
Psh. That cost me 300 of my own hard earned points. I had to troll like a BEAST to get those points!
Heather
10-25-2010, 05:13 PM
:lol:
KellyMarie
10-25-2010, 05:53 PM
:lol:
KarrenOliver
10-25-2010, 06:44 PM
Oh, my poor baby!!!
Rasha
10-25-2010, 09:03 PM
haha troll like a beast!
johnholmes
10-26-2010, 08:24 AM
haha troll like a beast!
Hey, some of us can't be constructive. I can't help it this persona was created as a wiseass :)
Heather
10-26-2010, 07:29 PM
:rolling:
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